you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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