nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
