3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
