i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
