all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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