Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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