Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
