Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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