You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
