One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
