Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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