so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
