I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
