Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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