My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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