Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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