is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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