I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
