Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
