i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
A+ Viking dick
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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