I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
