I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
