Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
