take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
