I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I had to cum in my sink.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
