Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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