i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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