Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
