i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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