i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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