I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize