absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
He had one of those small greek statue penises
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
