This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
