i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
