Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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