I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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