Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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