My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
When are your genitals available?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
