omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
