OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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