Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
