my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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