I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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