why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
