so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
