all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
