4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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