Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
