I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
