Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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