I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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