Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize