I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
