She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just forgot I was standing up.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
