i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
