Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
