We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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