So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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