Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
