let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
