im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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