It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Less talking, more tequila
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
