He is an equal opportunity slut.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
