1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Randomize
