i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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